Leonard Hatred 1:48 Sat Aug 24
When was the last time you ran away from something?
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I mean literally RAN AWAY.
HAD IT AWAY ON YOUR TOES.
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Replies - In Chronological Order ( Show Newest Messages First)
Grumpster
2:21 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Maybe only once in my life when about 13ish.
Mate pissed on a wasps nest and about 10 minutes later we were attacked by literally thousands of wasps.
He was hospitalised with about 20 notes on his face and I took some stings on the lip and eye.
Good times!!
As an adult, never for some strange reason. Never needed to.
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gph
2:23 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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I can think of a couple of times when I should have run away...
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gank
2:29 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Not sure I've ever run away from anything. I've run FOR things lots of times, usually the last train from London to Kent and mostly unsuccessfully.
What has this got to do with West Ham, anyway?
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Leonard Hatred
2:33 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Gank
You must have ran away from something.
Come on.
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Alfie
2:39 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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It was a wasp sir - that i fled from - this very day.
The events of the day had begun much like any other - orderly and controlled.
I had been enjoying a leisurely stroll around the inner walls of the Tower of London, having taken a small dragoon of family members on a historical walk and olden times places visit at one of the finest edifices of the historical london town.
At around or abouts 15 past midday - it happened.
My wife and daughters had queued for an orderly and unremarkable length to purchase small tubs of ice cream or sorbet, to be enjoyed in the merciless sun - priced at a bargain £ 5.00 per pop.
I had requested a strawberries and clotted cream iced refreshment - which was duly delivered up by my delightful wife, along with a tiny Lilliputian spoon.
I had not got two mouthfuls in to the icy bastard - when it began.
A young - brazen and very chopsy Wasp of the common British fucking cunt variety chose this exact moment to launch a merciless and crazed swoopy down buzzy in - out attack at my head - ears - watch strap and ice cream cradling hands.
I vainly tried not to betray the rising terror that i knew would soon animate my limbs : I affected unflappable English tourist indifference, but this soon crumbled and I shit my wack - threw down the confectionary and ran like an ostrich from a napalm attack towards any fucking thing that promised wasp shelter.
Several observing tourists laughed in their various dialects, and their many languaged mirth was further enriched when i slapped my cock - ears and cheeks frenziedly - as i imagined the Wasp may have penetrated my Hilfiger shorts or ear lobes to try and sting me up with its pokey fucking sting wand.
You can come at me with a broken pint pot - a gypsie in wetherspoons wanting a fight at a wedding - or a Raquels doorman trying to throw you down the fire escape with a toe punt up the bollocks - and i will dance with you until unconscious, all day.
But sic a wasp on me - and i will not tarry - i will canter mate, i will jog - ill fucking peg it.
You cannot trust a jasper.
Dirty bastards should all be killed in a wasp apocalypse.
Waspalypse.
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arsegrapes
2:41 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Was jogging along a country lane in Surrey when some c*** in a horse box came hurtling around the bend, had to have it on me toes sharpish, nearly wiped me out.
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Alfie
2:48 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Any wasp firm reading this: you might think youve fucking done and run me today. But that was not retreat mate. That was evasion, evasion and rearrangement.
I will fucking meet you any day of the werk - on any plot - with any tools you want mate. Straight go or dirty go. Wasp human tear up. Humanoid - insectisoid tear up. Queensbury rules. Ant rules. Insect pugilism rules. Nawty wules. Kit kat rules.
Whatever you like. Ive shit all wasps - the above story is untrue. Designed to lure you in.
I'll set your fucking little antennae alight with a tin of lynx africa and a lighter.
I'lll carve your little thin wasp midriff in half with a pair of hairdressers scissors.
Ive shit ya bruv like a downstairs bungalow toilet for old people
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Nurse Ratched
3:07 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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I ran away from angry geese in a Dartmoor pub carpark. Fuckers.
Also, when I was a very little girl (from age about 5) I used to run panicking and screaming all over the house and garden to get away from my cousin. He was twenty years older than me. When he visited us, he would chase me to give me what he called 'sloppy kisses'. My parents found it hilarious. Obviously my dad didn't twig what was really going on.
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Alfie
3:22 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Some sort of weird crab once chaupsed my toe on a greek island holiday. Just sort of half bit / halk tickled my foot. Felt like a fucking pelicans beak was trying to envelop my foot. I ran out of that fucking sea like Michael Jackson with his pepsi advert hair on fire.
Left my nipper in the surf - looking puzzled at my rapid tidal exit.
I contained that one by saying id been trying to see if i could run in and outrun the tide.
Unknow sea bed dwelling bastard
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gank
3:26 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Nurse, that's a terrible tale. Did anything ever come of it in later years?
Leonard - I did get involved in a police chase when I was 16, but it was in a car not on foot. A 0.9 litre Fiat Panda managed to lose the Old Bill thanks to my intricate knowledge of the streets of Chatham. Shit me up but I came out on top and managed to park up and disappear through a network of alleyways and collect the car the next morning before my parents noticed the car they had bought me for when I was 17 was missing. Apart from that, I don't think I've ever actually run away from anything.
Probably should have. Certainly would have saved me from getting CS gassed by some pikeys in Excalibur car park then being kicked to fuck.
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Cheezey Bell-End
3:31 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Once as a kid, I went onto a vacant block with a friend and started a grass fire.. When we realised we couldn't put it out, we fled..
Only time I remember running in fear was one night when I was about 8, I closed my wardrobe door, which was followed by 2 loud thumps then the door swung back open. I shit a brick and ran to my grandmother who was babysitting me. Turned out to be my school bag which was hanging on the back of the door.
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Nurse Ratched
3:35 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Gank. It went on for a few years, then he stopped and it was never mentioned again. He was a proper wrong'un, a very violent and dangerous man. Rumours abounded about his perversions. Probably a psychopath. He died in his late 40s. He had been in a traffic accident when riding a motorbike and was really mangled up. He was on strong prescription painkillers after that and he took an accidental overdose and it killed him.
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bruuuno
3:38 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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My ex bird about ten years ago.she wanted a barney, I didn’t as I was ina good mood. So I just had it away on my toes out of the house and down the street.
I’d highly reccomend it
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Jaan Kenbrovin
3:55 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Only time I remember running away was funnily enough on an Augsut bank holiday (2002, possibly) after running out of snout and rizla.
A pal was convinced he could deactivate the alarm system of a local newsagent, which went off as soon as he removed the first screw.
Died a couple of years later of a heroin overdose on christmas day.
Pretty sure he wasn't the full ticket, but I liked him.
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Alfie
4:02 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Jaan - remind me not todo any sort petty local shop robberies or blaggery with you or any of your pals pls mate.
Some are born for nawty capwrs. Others are bred to whisper of them - & hand them down
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Jaan Kenbrovin
4:31 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Don't worry, Alfie. We'll only ever call on you if a big job like boosting the Eastgate Mr Byrite came up.
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HairyHammer
4:31 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Had a couple of months away from this forum and its highly recommended if you feel cunted off too often.
And easily done.
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geoffpikey
8:58 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Last year. A rat.
I am old enough to know better, but rats just freak me out. Proper phobia. Mice are fine. They're cute. Had a boa round my neck before, no problems. A rat? I'll run.
Should never have read the James Herbert book as a child, in hindsight.
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Bungo
9:23 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Friend/colleague of mine got out of his car in rural Scotland once carrying a bag of doughnuts. A pig (boar?) roaming nearby, took a massive interest in the doughnuts and started chasing him. Not surprisingly he ran like crazy, abandoning the doughnuts along the way.
So gutted that I didn't witness this in person.
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Coffee
9:26 Sat Aug 24
Re: When was the last time you RAN AWAY from something?
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Ran from a bunch of wild elephants through jungle before swimming through a river to safety.
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